


friend of mine (the guess what, i'm not a robot remix)

by kristin



Category: Social Network (2010)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-02
Updated: 2011-05-02
Packaged: 2017-10-18 21:52:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/193694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristin/pseuds/kristin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Okay, maybe that should have been Dustin's first clue that something was wrong. Because A) Mark could do his own research and B) well, when had Mark ever wanted to know anything about another person?</i></p><p>A friendship found in texts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	friend of mine (the guess what, i'm not a robot remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ninhursag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninhursag/gifts).
  * Inspired by [No Child of Mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/166202) by [ninhursag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninhursag/pseuds/ninhursag). 



> Title from Marina and the Diamond's 'I am not a Robot'
> 
> So very last minute means so sorry for any mistakes. Thanks to L. for looking it over!

_mark. call me. ___

 _not that i don’t like the fact that you trusted me enough to put me in charge today, but why?_

 _mark._

 _mark. you know i could do this all day._

 _Busy coding, talk later. :) ._

Dustin blinked. This was not good. Visions of kidnappers and men with big guns were dancing through his head. Much less fun than sugarplums. (Even though he wasn't quite sure what sugar plums were.)

He reread the message and did the only prudent thing. He pressed number one on his office phone's speed dial and didn't wait for a greeting once the ringing stopped. "Christopher!" he yelled. Okay, if he had to swear in a court of law he might admit it had been a whimper but this, this was so very not good.

"Dustin," said Chris. Dustin decided to ignore the exasperation in his tone.

"You need to see this."

"I'm really sure I don't," said Chris. Dustin heard the tell tale clatter of a keyboard. This was not cool. There were times when multitasking was awesome, but in this case he needed all attention on him.

"I promise on the holy power of the toast that you will want to see this," said Dustin quickly. (They did not speak of the time with the toast. Ever.) Dustin heard the dial tone.

By the time Chris got there Dustin was pacing back and forth, trying to make sense of it all.

"Well?"

"Mark has probably not been kidnapped by a revenge driven Brazilian." Dustin saw Chris wince at the b-word. Mark's trip to Brazil had had some _interesting_ results, one of which was Chris' stress levels getting so high he actually stayed at the office later than the programming staff. _Mark's_ hand-chosen programmers.

"Was that a possibility?" asked Chris, skeptical. Well, time to lay it out then.

Dustin continued pacing. He kind of wish he had a monocle, and possibly a deer-cap. "The facts are these: Mark is in Singapore-"

"Which you know how?" interrupted Chris.

"My methods are mysterious and certainly legal as far as you know." Chris acknowledged the lie with a nod. "He is in Singapore and he is not working. Mark! Has not been working!"

"What does this have to with Brazil?"

Dustin reached the window and pressed his nose against it. It didn't seem colder than normal. Certainly not enough for hell to be freezing over. "Just listen, Watson. Mark has been distracted since he got back from Brazil. I mean, obviously prison changes a man, but not usually in such a short amount of time. Then, yesterday, he hops a plane, leaving me in charge. Which, well, not cool. I had plans that did not involve being at the office in amounts more than sane.

"He doesn't answer my texts, Chris. Or my calls. And believe me, my number is programmed with the most awesome ring tone ever. It cannot be ignored, just cannot. But look at this reply," said Dustin, holding the phone with the text history open. "That is a capital letter. A capital letter and an emoticon!"

"I really don't think this is an issue. He is probably with someone."

"Yes, a kidnapper," said Dustin, thinking dark thoughts. Mark was _never_ with someone.

"I have work to do."

"Yes, go back to work. I know who not to inform when the ransom calls come through."

Chris just shook his head and left. Clearly Dustin had to take matters into his own hands. He grabbed the phone from where Chris had set it on the corner of the desk.

 _you do a shitty mark impression_

 _Really? I though it was rude enough._

 _ah, but our dear marcus has other tells. such as a painful aversion to capital letters._

 _Good to know ;)_

Okay, so Dustin didn't really have an excuse for that text. He justified it to himself. They would never suspect he suspected them of being nefarious kidnappers. See, perfectly logical reason to joke around with people who might or might not be holding his friend captive.

Time to figure out who, exactly he was texting with. He had an idea, but it was probably based on too many awesome (or horrible, depending on if you were talking to Chris instead) movies he had watched in college. Even Mark wouldn't be that stupid.

Dustin considered his options. It was Mark’s phone, so tracking down the number wasn’t the answer. Oh, fuck it. He was curious.

 _Who is this?_

 _Eduardo_

Fuck. Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck, and shit for good measure. Dustin usually didn’t dislike being right this much. But apparently he was, and Mark was wrong, wrong wrong. Dustin let his head fall to hit the desk, and maybe banged it a few times for good measure.

There was only one Eduardo. This was a lie. There were many Eduardos in the world, he was sure. But there was only one that mattered right now. At least there was no need to do any more background research.

Dustin had done some digging on him already, after Mark asked him (via Chris) to look into him. Which, okay, should have been his first clue that something was fucked-up. Because A) Mark could do his own research and B) well, when had Mark ever _wanted_ to know anything about another person?

Even one as crazy as Eduardo Saverin. Oh, shit. Dustin typed out a message then waited impatiently for a response. It might not be logical, but this was important.

 _do you have a chainsaw ___

 _I... don't think so? Is it important?_

 _it is metaphorical._

 _For what?_

 _for your possibly superpowered revenge schemes against the people who wronged you._

 _Why would I take revenge against Mark?_

That was possibly a good point.

 _that is possibly a good point_

 _Thanks :D_

 _but seriously. what are you doing?_

There was a lull in the conversation, long enough that Dustin dove back into the development sandbox for awhile. Probably had scared him off. Or possibly he was actually kidnapping Mark and didn’t want to lie about it.

That probably wasn’t true. Mark had bought the tickets himself, anyway. (Dustin might have broken into his email, and possibly checked his credit card statements. He would admit nothing.)

He jumped in his seat a little when the next message came through.

 _I have no idea._

 _Also, Mark seems to be finishing up now._

 _about that, can you at least let us know if and when you abscond with our ceo next? he left me in charge and running facebook isn’t actually all that fun._

His phone started buzzing, three times in quick succession, with messages from an unknown number.

 _Sorry. :(_

 _If it happens again I’ll let you know._

 _Please don’t give Mark this number_

Dustin didn’t think about the criminal record, or the millions scammed, or the way he had framed his own father. Mark needed someone, even if it was an ex-junkie with wanderlust.

He saved the number as Frigga One Eye. He figured he would need it.

...

They didn’t text often after that. Okay, maybe Eduardo didn’t text often. Dustin considered it his sworn duty to keep their fucked-up love on track. And by ‘their,’ he most definitely meant Mark and Eduardo. Dustin shivered at the thought. _Consensual stalking._ Who even does that?

And maybe Dustin texted inane things, but who cared. He wasn't even sure it wasn't some huge conspiracy Mark had made up in order to justify actually using his vacation time.

 _are you a robot_

 _No._

 _i will take your answer into consideration_

But every so often Eduardo would text in to check what Mark’s schedule was going to be, apparently because it was okay to make Mark chase him around the globe in what was apparently the weirdest courtship ritual ever, but not make him miss shareholder meetings.

And then sometimes they would just text about movies (Eduardo didn’t get the Frigga One Eye comparisons) or cars, or random things Eduardo saw when he was traveling.

Also, once, a picture of Mark curled up, asleep. Now if this had been in an inappropriate place, or he had a dick drawn on his face it would have been different, but--

 _boundaries, mi amigo. do not think that was meant for me._

Eduardo didn’t text back, but a couple days later Dustin got a miniature model chainsaw in the mail.

But all of this meant that when he got a text from Mark simply saying _I'm staying in, please forget to write. You're in charge so don't burn the office down._ he was more than a little surprised.

Because Eduardo hadn’t let him know ahead of time. This could be very bad indeed. What if Mark was cheating and stalking someone else! Dustin texted Eduardo, just in case.

 _not cool_

 _D:_

That exchange was particularly unhelpful, but somehow even Eduardo’s emoticon was cool. Possibly due to him being a mysterious globetrotter. But anyway, it meant Dustin had to see for himself what Mark was up to.

...

Apparently what Mark was up to was a quarter-life crisis, judging by the car in the driveway. Dustin went into the house without knocking. (Whatever, Dustin knew it was impolite but Mark had given him a key. And was possibly cheating on his awesome crazy boyfriend. There was no need for knocking or doorbell ringing.)

But. Holy shit. Dustin had barely gotten started ragging on Mark for the penis mobile when he saw him. Eduardo was in the building. He couldn't help the grin plastered on his face. He was a real boy!

A little while later, Dustin's glee over this fact had not gone down.

He looked over at the couch, where Mark had fallen asleep and drifted sideways until he was basically trying to become with Wardo's side, and pulled out his phone.

 _wardo, i think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship_


End file.
